How to Make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

An exhaustive guide

Photo by Freddy G on Unsplash.

How does one go about the exacting task of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Well, there is much to be considered. A responsible person begins this undertaking only after he or she has spent sufficient time preparing mentally, physically, and emotionally for what lies ahead. Those who have entered into the act haphazardly, with careless regard for the many variables involved, have done so to their own detriment.

What follows is by no means an exhaustive exploration of how to make a suitable peanut butter and jelly sandwich (or PB&J in colloquial terms). To fully express the many intricacies of peanut butter and jelly sandwich making would fill volumes. This document is only meant to serve as a basic introduction to the core principles of PB&J making. Hopefully, it will help to dispel some of the myths and mysteries that often shroud the practice.

Do not expect to become proficient overnight. It takes years upon years of arduous study to become an expert. Upon completing this text, you should be able to create peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at the elementary level. This is analogous to the study of medicine: Without enduring the rigors of an advanced medical education, you would not be qualified to perform surgery, but with a modicum of guidance, you could learn to properly administer a Band-Aid. Of course, comparing surgery to PB&J making is a bit extreme; the latter is far more complicated than the former.

Let us begin. Your first task is to answer the following question: “Do you really want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” Are you certain you wouldn’t prefer grilled cheese, a tuna melt, or perhaps turkey with Brie and sun-dried tomatoes? Perhaps you want a wrap or panini. But let us assume for the purposes of this essay that these alternatives are not options, and that whether or not it’s what you really want, you must make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Questions abound.

Consider your ingredients carefully. Will you use jelly, or opt for jam or preserves? If you choose either of the latter, you are then technically making a “peanut butter and jam” or “peanut butter and preserves” sandwich, but convention allows for the classification of “peanut butter and jelly” to be used in their…