I Don’t Trust This Year Yet
Thoughts on the recent past and present future
I have lost my perception of time. A month feels like a year and a day feels like an hour. I can’t place anything that’s happened to me lately. 2020 is the last year that had roots or felt rooted in time for me. 2021 may well have just been a dream (sometimes a nightmare). And now we’re near the halfway point of this year’s first month. I don’t know what to do with (or hope for) 2022. Can I have hopes for 2022? Is it safe to dream during a pandemic? Or does this time call for more practical and sensible things — like N95 masks and social distancing?
I really am not sure how to proceed. I do not have confidence in the ground beneath my feet. If I race forward in excitement and find myself out of breath, is the air safe to breathe? Will this be a year of satisfaction and opportunities or cancelations and disappointment? How long should I hold my breath waiting for things to get better? I don’t trust this year yet, but I also know I can’t let myself go stagnant. That would be death.
Right now, there seems to be a magnifying glass amplifying the uncertainty of life, and it’s making it harder for me to see (or imagine) the future. This pandemic is a looming cloud making everything a bit darker and forcing us to carry an emotional umbrella in case of a downpour. Can I spend…
