I Love New York(?)

Even great cities have some flaws

I love New York, but sometimes I’d like to wear flip-flops outside without having to disinfect my feet afterward.

I love New York, but a few summers ago I saw a giant cockroach climbing up the outside of our bedroom window like a ninja. We live on the fifth floor.

I love New York, but once, as I was riding my bike underneath the elevated tracks of the 7 train, two drops of liquid landed on my face (splat-splat). It wasn’t raining. What could this unidentified substance be? Best-case scenario, it was water — water that had settled on the tracks the last time it rained. Water that had probably nestled itself against garbage, intermingled with saliva and urine (of the human and/or rat variety), and then slowly snaked its way through crack and crevice before falling through the air at just the right time and at just the right pace to make contact with my unprotected face. And as I see it, that’s the best-case scenario. The worst-case scenario is that it wasn’t water at all. Either way, my next shower was extra thorough.

I love New York, but sometimes it takes me so long to find a parking spot that I am tempted to just abandon my car.

I love New York, but I also love to take deep breaths of fresh air.

I love New York, but riding the subway has become an intensive aversion therapy class in anger management. Could those people who are not getting off any time soon please stop blocking the doors? Could those of you trying to enter the train wait until those of us exiting the train have gotten off? I mean, our departure makes more room for you, I promise. Could those of you who want to lounge with legs outstretched across two or three seats please remember that someone’s butt has to go where your feet are? And by the way, could you at least think to move when the train car starts to fill up and people near you are standing? Do you really need to be asked to let someone sit down? Am I expecting too much when I hope that you will not spit or smoke inside the train car, or that you will not fling discarded food to the floor, but will take your garbage with you and dispose of it properly? Would you mind not choosing your phone’s new ringtone at maximum volume or playing your electronic game with the sound turned up so loud…