The Mountain Is Me

How do I get out of my own way?

“If the mountain is me, how can I proceed?” {Photo by Laurent Perren on Unsplash.}

Quite often I am the traveler as well as the obstacle obstructing my progress. The mountain is me. My mountain contains fear, doubt, insecurity, and the persistent thought that I don’t deserve more — and I don’t even deserve what I have.

The mountain is me. Sometimes I allow myself to give up before I’ve even tried because of all the tales of inadequacy I tell myself. I dwell on previous failures (some real and some only imagined), and I invent scenarios for all the ways I could fail in the future until those works of fiction begin to look like reality — the way things must be. But the truth is that they are all only possibilities — and possibly quite unlikely — or at least no more guaranteed than any other more attractive alternatives.

The mountain is me. Sometimes I reveal less than I could out of a fear of rejection. There are caverns within me (thoughts and emotions) I don’t let many into. They are closed off. I bite my tongue. I bide my time. And I wait for a safe opportunity to open up. But the truth is that sharing is never safe. It is always a risk because the potential for rejection is always present.

If the mountain is me, how can I proceed? I must be me. I must accept who and what I am regardless of who rejects me. I must make peace with myself because I don’t want to be…